I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
wanna go halves on a baby?
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
