he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
