if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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