She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Watching her eat just hurts me
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
