Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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