i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
