Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
