Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
