Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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