i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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