I just saw a hot homeless man
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
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