I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
