I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Randomize
