She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
No I am not eating basil off your cock
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
