I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
