I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
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