Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
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