you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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