T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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