So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
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This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
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The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
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