also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
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