I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Randomize
