Rock
Scissors
Fuck
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
