I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
