We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
