I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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