the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
