So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
