i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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