Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
