dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
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