Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
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I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
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Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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