told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
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