it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Randomize
