In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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