Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
