I'd wear matching sweaters with you
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
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Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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