Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
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