hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
