I'm lost and stupid without you.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Randomize
