no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
