I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
