i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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