I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
