I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
