He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Let's paint friendship bongs
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
