so that wasnt chicken after all
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Are we still banned from the library?
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
