is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
