Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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