Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
