So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I think people are normalizing furries
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
