turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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