By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Randomize
