Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
