I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Randomize
