Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Randomize
