i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
