I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
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It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
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I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize