This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
