Will you blow on my dice?
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
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