Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Randomize
