Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Randomize
