we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
