My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
