I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
