On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
