You made me cry and you don't even care
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
