My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Randomize
