the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
