Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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