just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
