the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
