You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
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