I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
