you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Randomize
