McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
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