The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
